When I practice mediumship, I’m not only listening with my whole self to spirit, but I’m also listening to the person in front of me, either in person, on a call, or on Zoom. It takes my entire self, not just my ears. It takes my soul. I listen for what I see, what I hear, what I know, and what I feel. Even what I smell! It takes all of my senses.
I’m doing this in the silence. Most likely, meditation practiced over the years has helped me listen in the silence and, ultimately, helped me become a medium in the first place. It has also helped me become a more effective one.
My mentor, Joe Shiel, an evidential medium, has taught me to love no matter what. We love spirit for their arrival in the reading, and I love the person in front of me as much as anyone else in my life. This means not judging the person. I’m in love with their soul.
I’ve learned that if I judge a sitter—the person who has come for a reading—because of their politics, beliefs, demeanor, or skepticism, I become less effective. Love opens the channel; judgment constricts it.
Listening means putting away my biases and removing any obstacle to clearly hearing the other person. So much of mediumship is not just bringing through a loved one in spirit, but also communicating soul-to-soul with the person in front of me, who is oftentimes curious, anxious, skeptical, or in grief. There is no room for judgment.
I have to listen for what is not being said. This happens in a reading, and it happens in my own life. Often, I am sensing the unspoken emotions or feelings that linger in the air.
I have to be curious as a medium. I have to be intensely curious about the spirit who has come forward and how they lived. It’s as if a conversation is occurring, and I simply want to get to know them as much as possible.
I’ve learned to apply this in my own life. No matter who I’m talking to, and as worked up as I can sometimes get in day-to-day situations, I try to put away my biases and not judge. I try to look the other person in the eyes and understand their point of view, which may be completely different from my own. How can I be intensely curious about that person rather than brushing them off or making a premature judgment that is completely off base?
Mediumship, to me, is not just something that happens in the moment or during a reading. The ministry of mediumship applies to almost everything I do. It applies when talking to a loved one during a heated moment, when I may have a particular point of view that I want to convey. I’ve learned that no matter how strongly I wish to express my point of view, it will not come across if I’m not first listening to theirs without judgment and without formulating what I’m going to say next.
In my readings, I have to be completely with spirit. This means not having an agenda. Spirit wants to convey something; I listen and then share it with the sitter. I don’t adjudicate it.
Oh, how often do we want to do the opposite? We desperately want to express our point of view without clearly listening to the other person. We want to tell them they’re wrong. And we stop exploring through the use of open-ended questions.
That’s why, in a reading, if I provide evidence and the sitter doesn’t understand it, I try to remain open and continue exploring what spirit is communicating. I don’t force it. I don’t tell the person in front of me that they’re wrong. I simply stay with the impression and see where it leads.
One time I did a reading, and the woman said to me, “I only have two children. I don’t have three.” Yet I clearly felt that she had three children. I didn’t tell her she was wrong. I stayed curious. Later, I returned to it and asked, “So you’ve never had three children?” She eventually shared that she had once had an abortion.
I sensed how intensely painful this experience had been for her. I suggested that perhaps we should say a prayer together for healing. We did, and it was quite emotional.
Has this made me a better listener in my life? Yes.
I have to be comfortable with my own feelings, and I certainly have to be comfortable with the feelings of someone who has come to me in the midst of uncertainty, grief, or even anger. Sometimes a sitter is upset or angry with the loved one who has come through in the reading. Again, my job is not to adjudicate. My job is to illuminate the connectivity of life and, ultimately, the continuation of relationship that exists when we move into the next realm of existence.
All of this entails humility. I have to stay humble in my readings by continuing to learn, examine, and listen with my entire self. I also have to stay humble in the day-to-day operations of my own life, realizing that I don’t have all the answers.
Mediumship has made me more spiritual. It has deepened my awareness that my dependence on my Divine Creator is critical and that, ultimately, I am not in control. Just as I’m not in control of what is expressed in a mediumship reading, I’m also not in control of the emotions of the person receiving the reading.
What I can do is stay present, loving, and calm. My prayer is that I can be an example for others to do the same.
