Emotional resilience: what is it? I easily recognize resilience, particularly after spending decades in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry.
Through my work, I had the privilege of interacting with patients, particularly those battling cancer, and came to understand that while this brutal illness may attack the body, it cannot erode the human spirit. Despite facing overwhelming odds, their stories of endurance were always profoundly inspiring.
It was evident that they did not choose their circumstances, yet they exhibited tremendous courage in undergoing treatments and dealing with the unpleasant side effects associated with many therapies. Resilience, as they defined it, was apparent in their ability to persevere and survive another day.
The textbook definition of emotional resiliency is “the ability to adapt and bounce back from adversity, stress, or trauma. It involves coping well with life’s many challenges healthily and constructively.” But the definition appears too sterile to me, as it lacks the emotion that truly elevates resilience to a transcendent level.
When I think of resilience, I am also reminded of a beloved quote by Marv Levy, the former coach of the National Football League’s Buffalo Bills. It was a quote that Marv’s mother shared with him before he embarked on his service in World War 2. After his team lost in the Bills first Super Bowl appearance in 1991, Levy posted the quote on the team’s bulletin board:
“Fight on my men,” says Sir Andrew Barton,
I am hurt, but I am not slain;
I’ll lay me down and bleed a-while,
And then I’ll rise and fight again.”
The Bills also lost the next three Super Bowls, becoming the team with the most consecutive Super Bowl losses. A Bills fan once said that if you looked up the word resiliency in the dictionary, it would include a statement about the Bills.
Bill Polian, General Manager of the Bills at the time, stated, “… resiliency is a direct reflection of what Marv Levy has taught all his players.”
Emotional control is crucial in daily life because it empowers you to navigate various ups and downs without losing your cool. We are bombarded daily by stress, and as a result, the “fight or flight” response seems perpetually initiated. This fuels anxiety, depression, and disease. It becomes harder to wind down, sleep, be productive, and ultimately enjoy life.
We can talk all day about being physically fit, but if one is not psychologically fit, suffering is a certainty. Indeed, “pain is inevitable, yet suffering is optional”, as stated in a Buddhist quote.
Let’s explore the multifaceted nature of emotional resilience to understand the underlying principles and integrate healthy emotional practices into our lives.
The Lacrosse Ball – Understanding Emotional Resilience
Emotional resilience is more than just bouncing back from adversity. It’s about thriving despite challenges and positively adapting to obstacles, setbacks, and stressful situations. Some people state that Emotional Resilience is “mental toughness.” I don’t like the term since it’s analogous to an old leather shoe.
The shoe might hold up, but after years of use, the leather becomes warped and cracked. I like to think of emotional resilience as a lacrosse ball: hard on the outside, but when bounced- it springs back quickly.
The Role of Emotions in Resilience
Emotions are the fulcrum for resilience, alerting us to our internal states and external circumstances. Emotionally resilient individuals acknowledge and accept their feelings without allowing them to overpower or control their behavior.
Aligned with Stoic philosophy, truly resilient emotions don’t mean avoiding or suppressing feelings but rather acknowledging them, processing them, and responding to them to foster growth, recovery, and progress. It’s seeking to understand why you experiencing certain emotions. Resilient people leverage them as valuable sources of information to guide their responses to challenging situations.
Emotions provide insight into personal values, needs, and boundaries, allowing people to make adaptive choices and problem-solving strategies. Without diagnosing what you are truly feeling- it becomes very challenging to manage your emotions.
Break down your emotions, like looking at a gemstone that is multidimensional in its color and vibrancy. Pull out your emotions and see what’s really there!
Strategies to Build Emotional Resilience
Building emotional resilience requires the following:
- self-awareness
- mindfulness meditation practices
- supportive social connections
- flexibility & adaptability
- meaning and purpose
- connecting to the Divine
Let’s look at each element individually and then explore tips for incorporating emotional resilience into your daily life.
The View From Above: Cultivating Self-Awareness
During a tumultuous period in my workplace, I developed a daily habit of writing in my journal. It became a way for me to document my experiences, thoughts, and emotions. This practice provided me with the opportunity to observe my inner workings from a more objective standpoint, offering a form of catharsis.
Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and devoted follower of Stoic philosophy, also utilized journaling as a means of expressing his thoughts. His renowned work, Meditations, was a valuable guide for navigating adversity.
One example of his urging himself to persevere comes through in the following statement to himself:
“…do not dwell on all the various troubles which may have occurred in the past or may occur in the future. Just ask yourself in each instance of the present: ‘What is there in this work which I cannot endure or support?’ You will be ashamed to make any such confession. Then remind yourself that it is neither the future nor the past which weighs on you, but always the present: and the present burden reduces, if only you can isolate it and accuse your mind of weakness if it cannot hold against something thus stripped bare.”
The foundation of emotional resilience and, ultimately, wisdom lies in self-awareness, which serves as a fortress amidst the crashing waves on a stormy shoreline. Despite the relentless assault, the castle remains unscathed.
The ability to impartially observe and comprehend our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors from a distance, free from judgment, is crucial. Through this self-awareness, we gain a deeper understanding of our strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. We can identify potential coping mechanisms to navigate challenging situations.
As previously mentioned, I have a great affinity for journaling and meditation. This practice enables you to perceive both your circumstances and your own mental state with objectivity. By cultivating self-awareness, you will be empowered to recognize any detrimental thought patterns that may impede your progress while also identifying those that foster resilience.
Go Inside Yourself: Practicing Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness and meditation practices are powerful tools for building emotional resilience. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and acceptance. This entails refraining from judging how you ought to feel and instead embracing your current mental state as it is.
It’s crucial because we often get caught up in thinking, “I should be feeling…” rather than accepting our emotions in the present moment, whether it be sadness, happiness, boredom, or any other emotion.
Jack Kornfield, an American writer and mindfulness teacher, states,
“Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be. Let your body relax, and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting.”
Regular mindfulness and meditation can also strengthen the brain’s ability to regulate emotions, reduce reactivity to stressors, and enhance overall adaptability. Take a few moments each day to focus on your breathing, inhaling for several seconds, holding, and then exhaling for several seconds. Enjoy this meditative moment.
Maintain your Spider Web: Supportive Social Network
Spider webs are intricately woven, beautiful and strong. Likewise, we need to build and maintain our “spiderwebs” of social support. This is essential for multiple reasons. Social connections provide emotional support, validation, and encouragement during difficult times.
Who do you lean on in your social network? Who can make you laugh in moments of frustration or even sadness? Who is there to listen? Unfortunately, the following thoughts are rampant, especially in those that serve the community like first -responders:
‘This isn’t a real problem…’
‘You don’t need to burden anybody with it…’
‘Keep it to yourself…’
Reaching out to others is essential. Resiliency is not something that can be achieved alone; it requires a team, just like the roots that keep a tree standing tall. We extend our hands and souls to one another during struggles, “Take my hand, I love you. I will help you bear the burden.”
Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability
In order to navigate life’s unpredictable nature, it is important to cultivate a mindset of flexibility. Embracing uncertainty with an open attitude is key. It is important to continuously adjust plans according to the circumstances at hand, even when faced with the harsh realities of the situation.
Being rigid simply does not yield positive results. By fostering flexibility, you can rebound, overcome challenges, and discover innovative solutions. Former heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson stated, “Everybody has plans until they get hit for the first time.” When life hits you, be ready to adjust.
Additional Tips for Incorporating Emotional Resilience into Daily Life
Setting realistic goals is essential for incorporating emotional resilience into daily life. Emotionally resilient people set achievable goals aligned with values, strengths, and priorities. By breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks, you can build momentum and progress towards objectives, fostering a sense of accomplishment and motivation.
Setting realistic goals, that are congruent with your talents and experience level, also help you avoid becoming overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations. In addition, make it a priority to incorporate the following tools and concepts:
#1. Prioritize Self-care
When faced with challenges in life, it’s common for self-care to be neglected. During a stressful period, my good friend asked if I was still taking care of myself through exercise. It’s essential to prioritize self-care to maintain emotional resilience.
Self-care involves actively nurturing our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. One example of neglecting self-care is emotional eating, which often involves consuming highly processed or fatty foods. This creates a harmful cycle, depleting our energy and making us feel worse as our body weight increases. It’s also important to prioritize sleep, maintain a healthy diet, and engage in regular exercise. Additionally, don’t forget to participate in activities that bring you joy, such as going to the movies.
Replenish energy reserves, reduce stress, and build emotional resilience to cope with life’s challenges more effectively.
#2. Accept and Learn from Failure
Failure is not final and should not define you. Failure is a natural aspect of life, and it is crucial to accept and learn from it to develop emotional resilience. Rather than seeing failure as a reflection of your worth or capabilities, it is important to perceive it as an opportunity for growth and learning. In fact, if you are not experiencing failure, it is likely that you are not challenging yourself enough.
When you fail, it becomes a tremendous learning opportunity. Former Head Football coach of the University of Alabama, Nick Saban, stated in an interview,
“It just depends on how you deal with it. I think we don’t want our players to waste a failing. We want them to learn from the experience that they had so they have an opportunity to improve and get better.”
Likewise, don’t waste your mistakes or failures. They are too valuable.
Embrace failure as a necessary step toward fostering resilience, perseverance, and adaptability.
#3. Find Meaning and Purpose
If you find meaning in your life, it becomes the driving force that propels you forward through challenging times. It acts as a guiding light, like the North Star for navigation, helping you remain focused, resilient, and optimistic. When you have a sense of purpose, it provides the crucial “why.” And once you have your “why,” the “how” becomes much easier.
In simpler terms, the meaning you uncover will generate the energy needed to accomplish your goals and overcome any obstacles you may face.
Find meaning by aligning actions with values, pursuing relationships, and contributing to something greater than yourself.
#4. Embrace the Divine
You must recognize and welcome the incredible power of the supernatural. By leaning on your faith in challenging times, it acts as a source of strength. Draw upon a higher power to reignite the embers of hope that might be fading within your heart. Connect with the Divine by spending quiet moments in reflection, in prayer and meditation, acknowledging your fears, and seeking the strength to overcome them.
During my wife’s surgery, I took a moment to visit the hospital chapel. I found solace in reading the heartfelt journal entries left by previous visitors. It was a humbling experience to read their notes, as they earnestly sought support and love from God. Remember to also to embrace whatever comes your way with grace and peace. Psalm 23:4 is appropriate to contemplate,
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
When to Seek Professional Help for Emotional Resilience
There is no shame recognizing when you need additional support and being willing to reach out to mental health professionals, counselors, or social groups for assistance. Seeking professional help can provide you with the tools, resources, and guidance needed to cope with challenges, manage stress, and build emotional resilience.
Seek professional help for emotional resilience when:
- you feel overwhelmed by stress
- are unable to cope with challenges
- experience persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness.
- if your resilience-building efforts are not yielding positive results
- if you’re struggling to maintain daily functioning
Mental health professionals, life coaches, and mentors can provide guidance, therapeutic interventions, and personalized strategies to help you develop stronger resilience skills and navigate difficulties effectively. They are there to help!
FACT: Professional help is a proactive step towards prioritizing your mental health and well-being.
Conclusion
Life can be brutal given there seems to be no shortage of obstacles and struggles. The skill of Emotional resilience can help counteract and manage the wave of emotion that accompanies challenges- those that involve trauma. Don’t wait to start incorporating some of the tools and concepts mentioned. If needed, seek professional help for support.
You are a journey and give yourself grace on days that you don’t feel up to the challenge. Recalibrate and regroup, always knowing you have another move to make- to help manage what you are going through. There’s a reservoir of strength within you that can replenish and reinvigorate you in times of trial. It’s there. Draw upon it and let us others help you.
