Find your rhythm in life
Slow it down, to cease the strife
The rush, the chaos, the noise
We try desperately to remain our poise
Like a metronome’s hypnotic trance
With the heart and soul loving the dance
Moisten your soul like the rain from above
Rising above the turbulent clouds, with the wings of a dove
“Slow it down.” I say this phrase to my son often, as he seems to be going a mile a minute. Yet, I might be saying it for my benefit as well. We live in a world that everything is now. “I have to have it now. I need to see it now. I need to know it now. And a work colleague needs his request met…now.” I’ve also told my son when he’s slowing down, he’s actually speeding up. This sounds like a paradox, but my point is that by slowing down actions, we can actually get where we need to go, much faster and more efficiently.
The ancients knew intuitively that with speed, it can accompany rashness which could be disastrous in life, such as moving too quickly to seed and care for their crops – only to find that they never took to the soil and soon withered.
“The gentle overcomes the rigid. The slow overcomes the fast.“ – Tao Te Ching
We may admire individuals who possess the ability to swiftly process thoughts and provide answers within seconds. There are indeed people in the workplace who possess this skill. I saw their ability to process information, and I was truly impressed. However, the downside of being quick to decipher and respond is that it can leave those we work with feeling disconnected and confused. My wife has pointed this out to me, saying, “I don’t understand. You need to slow down for me.”
In a professional setting, it’s sometimes embarrassing to do so. I have experienced this firsthand in high-level executive meetings. There have been moments where I wanted to say, “Hold on a moment, could you please repeat what you just said, especially regarding how you arrived at the budget estimates for our project?” Some individuals may not care whether others can follow along, adopting an attitude of “keep up or get out.” However, as a manager, having such an attitude involves potential eroding confidence in the proposals and decisions you make.
Take time on rolling out decisions, such as new Incentive Compensation plan or organization structure changes, will likely enhance acceptance and understanding. If not, your team members won’t get behind the decision. And with understanding, the speed at which the organization accepts change will be accelerated.
Speed and Reactivity
In today’s world of internet connectivity, we constantly shift from one topic to another at a rapid pace. This behavior is contributing to a self-induced attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) that hampers our ability to concentrate and think intentionally. The incessant scrolling, checking messages, and responding to notifications creates a constant state of distraction that permeates into all aspects of our lives. While we understand the value of our phones and technology, it is essential to seek ways to slow down and foster the abilities of concentration and serenity whenever feasible.
Reactivity appears to be exceedingly prevalent in society, with tempers running short and anger swiftly arising over even the slightest offenses. This phenomenon is particularly prominent on social media platforms. A mere misinterpretation or a divergent viewpoint, especially one that deviates from the mainstream, can easily provoke the wrath of the digital mob. Unfortunately, social media does not facilitate nuanced thinking, often leading to exaggerated and extreme reactions. Don’t believe it? Check out the social media realm as we get closer to this year’s Presidential Election!
The Buddha’s Response
This story tells of a Buddha who was peacefully sitting under a tree when a man approached and spat on him. Surprisingly, the Buddha calmly asked the man, “What comes next? The man was surprised, as he hadn’t anticipated the Buddha’s calm reaction. However, the disciples of the Buddha couldn’t tolerate this disrespect and insisted on punishing the man.
In response, the Buddha expressed the man’s actions did not offend him. “He has not offended me. He is a stranger. He must have heard from people about me. And he may have formed some idea, a notion of me. He has not spit on me, he has spit on his notion. If you think on it deeply, he has spit on his own mind. I am not part of it.” The man returned home and came back the next day to seek forgiveness.
The Buddha replied, “The Ganges goes on flowing, it is never the same Ganges again. Every person is a river. The man you spit upon is no longer here. I look just like him, but I am not the same – The river has flowed so much. I cannot forgive you because I have no grudge against you. And you also are new. I can see you are not the same man who came yesterday because that man was angry and he spat, whereas you are bowing at my feet, touching my feet. How can you be the same? The man who spit and the man on whom he spit are no more. Come closer. Let us talk of something else.”
Rise Above It
This reminds of a quote from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who stated, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” We have the capacity to rise above pettiness and anger, as we have the ability to change, moderate our positions, and forgive. Our identity is not solely defined by our principles; we are human beings capable of accommodating others and thinking before reacting. Reacting, particularly in a negative manner, can lead to a situation rapidly spiraling out of control, resulting in unintended consequences.
Personally, I have learned the importance of pausing when feeling angry or frustrated. I must admit that I tend to let my intensity linger. However, I have also learned the value of assessing the situation first and taking the more difficult action, which often involves walking away or not reacting at all. It is crucial to take a breath and find composure. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus stated nearly 2,000 years ago:
“Remember that what insults you isn’t the person that abuses you or hits you, but your judgement that such people are insulting you. So whenever anyone irritates you, recognize that it is your opinion that has irritated you. Try above all, then, not to allow yourself to be carried away by the impression; for if you delay things and gain time to think, you’ll find it easier to gain control of yourself.”
I have witnessed fights in bars that could have been avoided if people had stayed calm. Regrettably, in certain instances, these situations spiraled out of control and resulted in loss of life. The rock group Bad Company touched on this theme in their song “Boys Cry Tough,” which tells the story of young men like Bobby who actively seek trouble. Tragically, Bobby doesn’t return home one night after a fight, and his fiancée receives the devastating news of his passing by the police.
De-Escalate
The importance of slowing down and finding ways to de-escalate applies not only to individuals but also to countries. The 1914 assassination of Austrian Archduke Ferdinand and his wife Sophia in Sarajevo by a Serbian nationalist ignited the powder keg that eventually led to World War 1. Countries formed alliances, and the next four years witnessed unimaginable carnage, resulting in a staggering 40 million casualties.
My grandfather, who was born in 1888, saw horrors of this war, as he was an American infantryman wounded in combat, being awarded a Purple Heart. Moreover, Barbara Tuchman’s Pulitzer Prize-winning book, “The Guns of August,” meticulously outlines the disastrous events leading up to the war. Tuchman argues that botched diplomacy, misunderstandings, and conflicting motivations among European leaders fueled the path to war. The leaders in the various nations didn’t slow down, assess the risks; instead they succumbed to war fever leading to a bloody start to the 20th century.
You always have options
Most often, circumstances necessitate a diplomatic approach, requiring careful deliberation and consideration of alternatives. In some cases, it may even be prudent to step back and disengage- at home or at work. There is no shame in doing so. Although it may not please your ego, it is important to recognize that the ego often serves as an antagonist.
You may wonder, “Should I let that person get away with their insult or bad behavior?” Well, my answer is that it actually depends. How far do you want to take things? How important is it to you, considering that you might not like the ultimate outcome? And even if you feel like you’re out of options, the truth is that you always have choices, just like President Kennedy had in the 1963 Cuban Missile Crisis– in which the world was on the brink of nuclear war. The only issue is that when the amygdala kicks in, it tends to overpower higher-level thinking. Essentially, you find yourself in “reptile mode,” acting solely on the instinctive and most primitive part of your brain.
Don’t deceive yourself – you do have options, as long as you can break free from the fight-or-flight response and your ego. Instead of thinking “I need to calm down,” instead think, “I need to slow things down.” This does not imply that we should simply tolerate abuse or “just accept it.” Different situations call for different responses. If you feel figuratively cornered, you may need to respond with strength and decisiveness. However, it is important to assess each situation individually to determine the correct course of action. By taking the time to slow down, we are able to critically evaluate without being overwhelmed by our raw emotions.
Slowing down entails giving others the opportunity to complete their sentences and refraining from a hasty decision, tweet or email, even if we hold opposing views. It also involves allocating moments for breathing and engaging in meditation, as this practice aids in liberating ourselves from the detrimental effects of our impulsive thoughts. All of us require additional time to assimilate information and regain composure.
By doing this, we can keep Pandora’s Box closed, because once it opens, we never know where it might lead. Your ego may want retribution, but the outcomes will likely be worse than the initial situation.
“…reason counsels [urges] patience where anger counsels revenge and we, who might have survived our first misfortunes, are exposed to worse ones.” -Seneca
